5 Scripts for Setting Boundaries with Confidence
Why Setting Boundaries Matters—and Why it’s so Hard
If you struggle with boundary setting, you're not alone. Many of us were never taught how to establish healthy boundaries. Learning how to set healthy boundaries is essential for emotional wellness and creating confidence in relationships. Brene Brown said, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” When we neglect to set boundaries, we experience higher rates of burnout, resentment, and emotional overwhelm. Setting boundaries helps us develop self-trust and keep our nervous systems regulated.
Setting boundaries is easier said than done. In last week’s post, Setting Boundaries After Trauma, we explore how patterns like people pleasing, emotional fawning, and fear of conflict develop when we are taught that saying “no” is unsafe.
With time, we can start to trust our intuition again. However, it’s hard to prioritize and practice when we’re starting from scratch. Here are some scripts to lean on.
5 Therapist-Approved Scripts for Setting Boundaries
These boundary scripts are therapist-approved, trauma-informed, and help you practice assertiveness and communicate with confidence.
Scripts for Saying No Without Guilt
These scripts are helpful for people-pleasers and empaths. You don’t need to justify your “no”—it’s enough that something doesn’t feel right. Try:
“Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m not available.”
“I’m going to pass this time.”
“That’s not going to work for me, but maybe we could try [insert another idea or time].”
“No, thanks.” (It can really be that simple)
Scripts for Protecting Your Time and Energy
These scripts are for those of us who tend to overcommit. If we are conflict avoidant, saying yes just feels easier. These are especially helpful in a work setting:
“I’m not able to commit to that right now.”
“I need to focus on other priorities this week.”
“I can take that on, but only if someone handles [X task].”
“Who will be approving the extra hours?” (you deserve to be paid for your time!)
Scripts for Setting Limits with Family
Setting limits with our families can be especially challenging due to deeply entrenched communication patterns. Try these:
“I’m not comfortable talking about that topic.”
“Let’s agree to take a break from this conversation.”
“That doesn’t feel good. We can try something else or I’ll need to step away.”
Scripts for Communicating When You Need Space
If you are an introvert or highly sensitive person, alone time is non-negotiable. But everyone (even extroverts!) can benefit from time by themselves to process hard conversations, avoid overstimulation, and recharge. Use:
“I need some time alone to recharge.”
“It’s not about you—this is how I take care of myself.”
“I’ll be able to come back to this when I have had some time alone to process.”
Scripts for Setting Boundaries With Yourself
Internal boundaries are just as important as external boundaries. Internal boundaries, setting boundaries with yourself, is the number one way to build back self-trust and create healthy habits. You can start with:
“I’ll set a 30-minute screen limit and leave my phone in another room.”
“I’d rather save this for [X financial goal] than buy something I don’t need.”
“You are worthy of love.”
“I won’t talk to myself that way.”
“I deserve rest.”
How to Practice These Scripts with Confidence
Learning to set boundaries takes time. In order to feel safe setting boundaries, start from a place of comfort. Start by making boundaries you know you can honor, and with people who are safe. Make sure to celebrate each small win - you did it! Setting boundaries can feel like a risk. With repeated risks and positive outcomes, you will find will find that you can set boundaries with more ease. It’s all about practice.
If you would like support with your boundary and communication practices, we can support you at Mindbody Therapy & Wellness. Get matched with a therapist, here.
References:
Brown, B. (2010). The gifts of imperfection: Let go of who you think you're supposed to be and embrace who you are. Hazelden Publishing.
Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1992). Boundaries: When to say yes, how to say no to take control of your life. Zondervan.
Mayo Clinic. (2023). Assertiveness: Reduce stress, communicate better. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/assertive/art-20044644
The Highly Sensitive Person. (n.d.). The trait of high sensitivity. https://hsperson.com/
